Leadership starts with me
Years ago, I began to question what we hold up as the leadership archetype for a few reasons. Personally, I wasn’t comfortable leading in a way I was being taught through books and courses and direct feedback because it didn’t feel authentic to me and how I like to show up in the world. Also, I didn’t respond well to leaders who were directive, self-focused and controlling. I wasn’t inspired by them, nor did I want to be like them. What I have discovered is that there are plenty of others who feel the same way. And yet, leadership training persists that often perpetuates the myth that there is some standard way to lead.
There is one particular part of leadership training that bugs me in particular. Courses often start with the principle that somehow those being ‘trained’ must improve and largely conform to a set of aspirational behaviours and traits that define what a leader is. This premise is, in fact, a subtle form of aggression against who we are.
“If I get rid of my need for collaboration so I command a room, I’d be a better leader.”
“If I trust the data more instead of my intuition, I’d be a better leader.”
“If I stopped being so emotional, I’d be a better leader.”
Any ‘training’ that asks you to ignore, deny or change who you are as a human is flawed.
In fact, leadership doesn’t start with getting rid of anything or changing anything. Leadership starts with knowing who we are. We have to be curious which involves being open, gentle and honest with ourselves, really taking the time to create a picture of how we want to be outside the bounds of someone else’s prescribed notions of how we should act and behave. Here in these moments of deep self-reflection is where we become intimate with our own values, aspirations and talents. Here is where we discover our boundaries and the edges of our knowledge and personal learning without judgement. Instead of throwing ourselves away to become something ‘better’, we begin embracing who we are at our core – and that’s always a great place to start.
