Pausing to picture possibilities
When we are at a crossroad in life, big or small, seeing a clear picture of what’s next can be difficult when the future is shrouded in the mist of emotion, doubt or complexity of the present. Taking the time to pause and spend time in the space between letting go of what is to move to what is next can be an important part of the process to create a clearer image of what is possible. Being in that liminal space can often feel uncomfortable and mean we opt to stay where we are or rush without thinking very much to something new. In fact, there is power in pausing and spending the time you need to fully connect with yourself and your purpose, connect to possibilities and decide what you want to do, where you want to go or who you want to be. Below are some suggestions for being comfortable in the uncertainty of life transitions, but first it’s worth sharing some examples of what those transition can be.
Changing where we live. This can be simply moving to a new house and can include moving to a new city or new country.
Shifts in our family situation. Some people start or end relationships, have family members who share that they are LGBTQ+, must go through the loss of parents, or may experience their children moving out of the family home to a place of their own.
Changes to our work situation. Almost everyone will experience changing jobs, some decide to start their own business and some decide to change careers completely. At some point, we all stop working in a conventional sense.
Personal growth and evolution. For the introspective among us, there are often points in our lives when we experience significant shifts in what we know about ourselves that can lead to changes in what we want to do, how we relate to others or what choices we make about where to spend our time and resources.
Shifts in our health and wellbeing. We all age and experience changes to how our bodies function. Some of us have acute changes to our health and wellbeing as a result of cancer or accidents or acute health problems that have lasting impact to how we function day-to-day.
Whatever transition or transitions we are experiencing, there is good reason to take the time we need to pause and sit with the discomfort of not knowing what is next. This is the liminal space – the space in between – where we can reconnect to ourselves, allow ourselves to dream and start to name and even picture what is next. Here are some suggestions for why this important.
We can connect more fully with our bodies. Most of us can relate to having a ‘gut feeling’ or a sense that something is or is not ‘right’. We can feel or sense what we know in our bodies often before we can make sense of it with our minds. Pausing, even just for a few minutes or an hour, means we can honour what we are feeling and sensing to help surface in our minds what we know and sense to decide what we want and need.
We can connect more with our soul/spirit. When we stay in our thoughts, we can often rely on logic that can be driven by expectations put onto us by others. Taking time out to let go of the others’ voices in our heads means we create more space to listen to ourselves. This is where we reconnect to our purpose, our true selves and our inner knowing about what we are here to do and how we want to be.
We can regulate our thinking. During times of stress that often come with transitions, we can be compelled to react. Taking time to pause means we can better let go of fear or anxiety or any dissociation we may experience, coming into a more regulated state when we can respond rather than react. In this state, we can connect what we decide more fully with who we are and how we want to be.
Even when we recognise that we are going through transition and understand the value of pausing and spending time in the discomfort of not fully knowing what is next, it’s not always easy! However, there are ways to become more comfortable in uncertainty. Here are a few suggestions.
Show compassion toward yourself and connect to your own voice. Transitions can be difficult, even when they are super positive, so remember to give yourself some grace and extend compassion to yourself that you most likely demonstrate with others. Most often, we don’t need to rush to what’s next, so it’s okay to give yourself space and time to not have everything figured out. Not knowing is okay. Relax where you are (as best you can!) so you can more fully connect with yourself and your own voice, and the answer to what is next often emerges. For example, in my 20’s I quit my first professional job when I realised it wasn’t a good fit and started waiting tables to support myself. I gave myself a year to explore and decide what I wanted to do. I used the time to really connect to what mattered to me and eventually moved across the US to start graduate school, studying exercise physiology, even though my undergraduate degree was in marketing and my family thought I was nuts! That pause led to the best life changing decision.
You don’t have to do it alone. This may fit in the ‘goes without saying’ category, but I often coach and work with leaders who admit they are not great at asking for support from others. Make sure you find your people and build your village who will support you without judgement in the liminal space and through to what’s next. You can also connect to experiences like retreats and workshops that create space for a pause but can also accelerate the emergence of knowing what’s next. Below is a link to a specific workshop I am leading with the brilliant Gyongver Szabo designed for this purpose. If this speaks to you, reach out for chat to find out more. I have often used different experiences like workshops as a way to invest time and resource into helping me gain clarity about what I am doing now or want to do in the future.
Normalise taking time out when you need it. I grew up thinking I had to have it all figured out, and when things weren’t working out, I had to get it together really quickly. In fact, pausing is not only useful, but important when we are making a change. What I have personally learned is that pausing can be for an hour, a day, a few weeks or longer. We get to decide how we want to live our lives according to our own timeline, and sometimes ‘figuring it out’ takes some time. To create space to pause, I often take a walk for a few minutes, book off an afternoon or intentionally set aside a day or two here and there, but I have also taken more time. I wrote about a two-month creative break from work I took in case you want to read more: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/back-work-jason-jae-sloan-
I’d love to hear from you about your experiences and what advice you’d offer when going through transitions.
I’d love to speak with you about the workshop I mentioned above called HEADSHOT: A pause, a picture, a possibility. Gyongy and I are offering space and support for those who want to honour their own transition and capture the possibility of what’s next through coaching, guided reflection and portrait photography. You can read more here: https://www.apiscg.com/headshot . Please reach out with if you’d like to chat and connect about the workshop.
